Books Review: The Courage to Be Disliked

Sometimes, the books that stick with us aren’t the ones we love.

I picked up The Courage to Be Disliked expecting deep insights and perspective-shifting wisdom. Instead, I found myself struggling to get through it. The dialogue was frustrating, the tone felt rigid, and it had a way of presenting ideas as if they were undeniable truths rather than concepts open for discussion.

In fact, while trying to finish it, I read two and a half other books just to take breaks from it.

But here’s the thing: even when a book doesn’t click, it can still leave behind something useful. And this one did.

The Lesson That Stuck with Me

The book introduced a concept that I already knew but wasn’t fully applying: The Separation of Tasks.

At its core, this idea is simple:
Not everything is yours to carry

So much of our stress, frustration, and emotional exhaustion comes from taking on things that aren’t actually ours to deal with—whether it’s other people’s decisions, their emotions, or their responsibilities.

We do it all the time without realizing it:
Feeling obligated to step in and fix someone else’s problem
Carrying guilt over things we can’t control
Taking responsibility for how someone else feels
Resenting people for not doing what they should be doing

And here’s the hard truth: that’s on us.

It’s exhausting to carry what’s not ours. But more importantly, it’s unnecessary.

The book suggests that before reacting—before jumping in to fix, to stress, to absorb frustration—we pause and ask:

Is this actually mine to deal with?

And if the answer is no? Let it go.

Applying It in Real Life

This hit home for me, so I tested it out with something small but persistent: taking out the trash.

Normally, if I was the one dragging the garbage to the curb, I’d feel annoyed—Why am I the only one who does this? Why hasn’t anyone else taken care of it?

But this time, I stopped myself and shifted my perspective. Instead of frustration, I reframed it as:

I am of use to my household by doing this task.

And honestly? It made a difference. It didn’t make taking out the trash fun, but it stripped away the resentment. I wasn’t carrying extra frustration over what other people weren’t doing. I just did what I needed to do and moved on.

It’s a small shift, but it changes everything.

Your Turn: What’s Not Yours to Carry?

If you’re feeling weighed down, overwhelmed, or frustrated, take a step back and ask yourself:

Am I taking on something that’s not mine?

If the answer is yes, practice letting it go. Remind yourself:

You don’t have to fix everything.
You don’t have to control how others act.
You don’t have to carry tasks, responsibilities, or emotions that don’t belong to you.

There’s a phrase from the book that I wrote on a sticky note and kept on my desk for two weeks:

"From here on, that is not my task."

Try it. Say it out loud. See how it feels.

Because the truth is, life gets a lot lighter when you stop carrying what was never yours to hold.